5.25 Memorial Day Edition of What I Did Last Week (and what I'm looking forward to)
Last Saturday, Matt and I woke up early and headed to the deep Lower East Side to a community event organized by my college. I was really eager to reconnect with my fellow classmates. The memory of my time there was always fraught with so much sadness, paying for college on my own, unprepared. But, I’ve written a new story and was eager to add a new chapter.
Even if strangers at first, a shared activity creates space for conversation.
We arrived at the ripe 7:45am hour of the morning to discover something else.
A veritable sea of alumni from various colleges. FIT. Smith.
Where were the folks from my college?
Heck, where were the folks above the age of 12?
I stood there for a while, sipping my coffee and chomping on Belvita biscuits.
I turned to Matt and said, “Let’s go.” We collected our backpacks and headed out to the grit and morning sun of New York City.
I came with expectations of a very different event.
Small. Intimate. Camaraderie. People open to chatting.
This was a cattle call.
Big. Kids stuck to their cliques and only speaking to each other.
I wasn’t shorting the charity of hands by leaving. There were easily 200 people in the room.
In 2020, I interviewed Tiffany Dufu, former head of the White House Project (now head of the Tory Burch Foundation) She told a story about her young daughter, silly with excitement for the upcoming Marvel movie. The days couldn’t pass fast enough before they would go to the theater.
Tiffany bought the movie tickets. On the day of the movie, she and her daughter got the obligatory baleful of popcorn, box of candy, trays of soft drinks. With much pomp and circumstance, they saddled into their seats, with breath that is bated.
The previews passed.
Twenty minutes of the movie passed.
Tiffany’s daughter looked over at her.
“I’m not feeling this.”
Tiffany said, “Okay.” She gathered up the baleful of popcorn, box of candy, trays of soft drinks and daughter, and marched out of the theater.
“See I wanted to show her that even if you have invested time, money, sweat, tears, and a great deal of emotion into something, you reserve the right to change your mind. You reserve the right to get up and leave the ‘thing.’”
I never stopped thinking about that story.
The ‘old’ me would have never left the Father’s Heart Ministry that morning. I would have suffered through.
The ‘new’ me reserves the right to change my mind.
Listen to my and Tiffany’s interview here:
What I Did Last Week
Friday. I went to a Portuguese restaurant with my friend Pria. I wanted to recapture the feeling of Lisbon by lapping up the little custard tarts the city is known for. The “pastel de nata” at Leitao was not runny. Not creamy. The custard had hardened as things are prone to do in the fridge.
Trouble is: Again, I went with such big expectations.
Tony Robbins says expectations—especially unmet ones—are a root cause of suffering. When we rigidly expect life to look a certain way and it doesn’t, we have pain.
The “pattern interrupt” is to shift this is to appreciate instead. To ask instead: What’s working right now?
Pria (in her crazy platform dancing shoes) and I (not in any kind of platform shoe whatsoever) walked from the West Village to East village. Walking and letting the city wash over me is one of my favorite things to do. And I loved that we had meaningful conversation about our respective businesses.
That was my “Pattern Interrupt.”
“If you want lasting happiness, lower the bar for gratitude, not for achievement.
When we appreciate others for who they are rather than expect them to behave in certain ways, we unlock deeper connection and joy.”—Tony Robbins.
I have journal prompts for this below.
Saturday. After Matt and I left the church, we bee lined it for the Union Square. It would be a chance for us to reconnect as a couple. Lately, we have been passing ships in the night. Not seeing one another.
Plants at the market are my micro joy. Everyday.
I fawned over the poppies, which reminded me of Nice, where I got a bunch each week for my desk where I worked.
I got fresh bread at another stall.
Saturday night, I was really proud of my storytelling client Chef Nitin, who hosted his second supper club concept at a private dining room in Little Italy.
Sunday. I met Tara and Jill for a hot yoga session at ID hot yoga on Allen Street and catchup. Then scuttled up to the Met on the Upper East Side to meet my friend Gino.
Gino teaches executive communication at Baruch College.
We were due to see the John Singer Sargeant exhibit. Sargeant was a popular portrait artist in Paris, painting the socialites of the day. One portrait, he got too ballsy and painted the strap of a gown off the shoulder of “Madame X” a socialite from Virginia transplanted in Paris. The salon dubbed the painting too vulgar and saucy for the time. Anyhow, it destroyed his career.
The sketches were of his commissions leading up to the bomb.
Before Gino showed up, I had an hour on the steps of the Met in the sun. It was glorious thinking about my week from this perch, versus my usual desk.
Tuesday. I’m working on a B2B play and bring my TEDxTalk public speaking workshops in-house to a company, where 7 women leaders give talks at the end of 10 weeks to their peers at the company. I had two great calls this week on this strategy.
I always create a folder for a prospective client in my Notion with a recap of our call and next steps.
Wednesday. Dinner with Mariya Valeva.
My micro-joy before meeting her was scooping up this jacket from Baci sample sale. All the clothing is designed and made in Italy. Most importantly, all made from natural fabrics. This comes with matching pants, but —I dunno. Too overwhelming for my little frame? What do you think?
Mariya and I comment on each other’s posts on LinkedIn everyday. It’s so transactional. I prefer to take relationships off the page and be friends. (Shocking! I know)
Turns out we are Dumbo, Brooklyn neighbors and went to our favorite spot Vinegar Hill House for a glass of Greek wine and some food. We talked LinkedIn growth strategies and then devolved into exchanging notes on sample sales.
Matt and I watched the first two episodes of “Tucci in Italy” on National Geographic.
My god. The first episode opens with sweeping scenes of the actor walking and talking in the marble quarries of Colonnata where Carrara marble comes from. (It’s my current kitchen countertop BTW.)
What I’m looking forward to
Memorial Day weekend. Friend time Saturday and Sunday. We were going to have some white wine on Governor’s Island where the 700-dollar-a-night-yurts are, but it looks like rain this weekend. We may have to go suck sauce somewhere else.
I am one week and change from leaving for Corfu, Greece. I’ll be living and working from old Corfu town for 45 days. I’ll be hosting my clients for their annual Deep Writing and Reflection Retreat.
I’m skipping over to Rome after the retreat to catch the Caravaggio exhibit. Caravaggio was a colorful character, known for brawling and even murder. All of this torment found its way into his commissions from the Church, which made him ripe for private collections. Folks saw his brilliance, they just didn’t want to let everyone else know they bought his stuff.
I’m drawn to his rebellion. His boldness. And of course, his painting style.
Paris -September
Vienna “Deep Writing and Reflection Retreat” December. Register here
This is Janice’s take on her time with me in Barcelona
Whenever you’re ready, there are 3 ways I can help you:
1.Join the Samita Lab Mastermind. Join 7 other women leaders in giving a TEDx style talk on a NYC stage in front of 100 people at the end. The waitlist is open.
2. The Anatomy of a 'No' If you’re struggling to say ‘no’ gracefully at work, I created this download where all my scripts are organized (15,000 downloaded)
3.Answer these journal prompts and send them to me at joya@joyadass.com
From Expectation to Appreciation
Where am I feeling frustrated or disappointed right now?
(Be honest. What outcome or behavior did you expect that didn’t happen?)What was I expecting, and why did that matter so much to me?
(Identify the blueprint or story you were attached to.)What can I appreciate about this situation or person—right now, as it is?
(Even if it's small—what is working? What did I learn?)How might shifting from expectation to appreciation change how I show up this week?
(How would it feel to lead with gratitude rather than disappointment?)
“How would it feel to lead with gratitude rather than disappointment?” What a great reframe for reflection on the week, month, or quarter past. It allows us to focus on celebrations of meeting people, expanding our horizons l, and learning. Thanks for prompt, Joya.